When we think of Tradition what do we often think of? Thoughts of the family sitting around the dinning table sharing a nice Sunday Dinner, or going to catch the latest football game with Dad and Grandpa come to thought. For me, Tradition used to be spending exhausting hours reading God's word and praying thinking that I needed to be this perfect person that I was never going to be able to reach. I was always looking for more and felt like there was a piece of the puzzle I was constantly missing. You know that feeling. The puzzle is one piece from being done and you are missing the piece because Buster the Golden Retriever at it when it fell from the table. That was my life.
Every church I ever went to in my life forced this indoctrination that we are disgusting, vile, and dirty creatures that God took pity on and that we need to constantly work to get his approval. Which is far from the truth. If you grew up in a healthy family, you knew that you never needed to get your fathers approval. Sure he would be disappointed in the choices we made from time to time, but that doesn't mean he disowned you. A good father will always approve of their child, regardless if he is blood or not. That is the way God sees us. He loves every single one of us. He may be disappointed in the choices we make, but he sees us a good people. Yup, surprise! You are a good person. No need to work for that salvation. Jesus did the work already.
Unfortunately, that was something I had to spend 25 years learning. I worked SO hard to be this perfect person, until one day when I was 18 I "fell from grace." Now we know that we can never fall from grace, but we can surely believe that we have. I was walking a life where I didn't know if God was pleased with me, and I didn't really care if God was or not; I simply was exhausted. I fell into some really bad habits. I began using drugs and alcohol to soothe a pain that I didn't was there. I used women to validate me as a man. I was nearly arrested more than several times, but no matter how hard it got for some reason there something out there keeping me safe. I was never immune to financial ruin, or basic sicknesses, but I was still physically safe. I would fight the truth that God remained faithful and kept an army of angels to protect me, but at some point you can't fight the truth.
I was 23 when I was lying on my bathroom floor in my small college apartment experiencing a frightening Acid Trip. If anyone has touched LSD and knows what a bad trip is then you know the feeling. Anyway, I was tears hugging my legs as close to my chest as possible. I called out to God in the first time in nearly five years, and I remember it vividly. "God, I am so sorry. You must hate me right now. I am literally the worst. I tried to do so many good things, but I just never could stay with it. I still don't know if you are out there or if you care, but if you do, please just send me an angel so I know that you are." That was my interaction with God. I admitted that the work I was doing got me no where. Fast forward a few months, I met my wife. Granted it was Tinder, but we met nonetheless. Through her, I was able to realize that God did care, just not about the work I was doing. He cared about ME. My showed me that the God was pleased with ME. Because of what Christ did in me, I became a good person; I just happen to do bad things here and there.
The work that I used to do was left in the past. I don't feel like I need to spend countless hours in the Word trying to get closer to God. I am as close to God as I can possibly be. He dwells within me, I dwell within Him. My prayer life went from God, "Why am I such a bad person? What do I need to do be more like Jesus? How do I get closer to you?" to "God thank you. Thank you for waking me up, thank you for what you did on the cross, thank you for the roof over my head." I became thankful. I was met with joy because I literally don't have to do ANYTHING. I don't have to work, I want to work in the way I know possible.
As the Founder of Ex Nihilo Gaming, I know there are more like me out there, that is why I created this company. I wanted to share the truth that I know in a creative way. These are not just fun games, there is a deeper meaning to it all that will reveal itself to you. This is not my love letter to the world, this is God's love letter, I just to human behind the computer screen.
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